After suffering from debilitating fatigue and sleepless nights for several years, I had pretty much come to the realization that my quality of life was permanently impaired, what with me in bed, unable to move from exhaustion, and in permanent doze mode. I accepted it and tried to deal with it as best I could. It was more of a shock to my husband who has been traveling on business for months now, and first saw my rapidly deteriorating condition in March.
You should know that I see my doctor regularly for this problem because it does concern me. I’m not sure which thought bothers me the most: that I might being dying, that I might live long and then die from boredom, or that I might die before having the chance to properly shave my legs.
My doctor runs blood work on me regularly, and every time all the test results are normal. If he thought I was exaggerating, it would seriously cut down on his disposable income, so he attributes my exhaustion, inability to sleep, and loss of short term memory, et al, as side effects from fibromyalgia or the pain medication he prescribes for me. Repeatedly I ask him if these symptoms could be related to anything else, such as chronic fatigue syndrome, peri-menopause, or perhaps even a brain tumor.
I think he thinks I am trying to be funny. I am not.
I tell him I am in a severe state of desperation: I can’t walk, I can’t work, I can’t stay awake, I can’t stay asleep, I can’t exercise, I can’t poop, I can barely feed myself, I can’t make plans to go anywhere, and, as a matter of fact, I can barely get myself in to his office to talk to him about it.
I also tell him about the significant addition of facial hair to my features. He stares at me as if I am talking about hirsutism and he is looking at the newest bearded lady. No, I tell him patiently, I’m talking about the growth of those unsightly, dark chin and neck hairs that have popped up like weeds, stiff enough to collect and use as hair brush bristles. He looks disappointed that there is no AMA paper potential in this symptom.
During my last three or four visits, I repeatedly asked him if I could be in peri-menopause, and he simply shook his head and told me, “No.” My ego was telling me that he probably didn’t realize how old I was, you know, because chubby people don’t get as many wrinkles unless you count double chins. He can’t see any powdery white strands of my hair because another benefit of highlighting is that it marvelously covers the gray or, as it is in my family, the white. I certainly didn’t look like I was about to embark upon that change of life phase.
Once when I asked him about being tested to see if I had started peri-menopause, he seemed to chide me about wanting to know too much unnecessary information. “Would it make a difference if you knew you were?” he asked me.Well maybe, I wanted to snap back at him. At least it would explain a few things.
Instead, he seemed hell-bent on telling me I needed to get out and exercise when I felt good, to which I responded that I’d love too, except that I never feel good anymore and I can barely move from the fatigue. He didn’t say it, but I could read in his eyes what his profession barred him from saying to me: Fatty fat lazy human. Shoulda put you on placebos.
In the midst of all this drama, I finally made an appointment for a long overdue female exam. Between our move back to Texas, another impending move, and my illness, I had been postponing this appointment. I have never had a doctor that I’ve really liked, and that only makes the situation more difficult. Sucking it up, I made an appointment with a new doctor just to get it off my To Do list.
As it turns out, I simply haven’t had the right doctor. For the first time I spoke with someone who asked me a lot of questions about my life in general, things I would never normally share with an OB-GYN simply because those things didn’t seem to have anything to do with what was happening in my nether regions.
End result: my hormones were in a full-on riot with my body. Everything from my problems sleeping through the night, my inability to function during the day because of fatigue, the headaches, the sweating, and even the abnormal growth of facial hair could all be due to the fact that I was in peri-menopause. Hormone therapy would resolve most of those problems. There are health risks, of course, but after being nearly bed-ridden for several months, the pros far outweigh the cons. In addition to hormone therapy, I was also instructed to follow a vitamin, mineral and precious stone regimen that has me ingesting 11 pills or capsules or pebbles that go down about as easily as swallowing a cantaloupe. Whole.
The best news of all, the meds I take for my fibromyalgia pain triggered my weight gain and made it nearly impossible for me to lose weight, even with exercise and a low-fat diet. The relief, to find out I wasn’t some freak of nature, was so overwhelming I began to cry. Oh yeah, crying is another symptom. By the time I left the doctor’s office, I was cradling coveted drug samples and prescriptions, along with a plan for a new life.
It’s a week later, now, and the changes are already measurable. I am inspired because it already feels like I have my life back. Just imagine how I’ll feel in a month.
Many thanks to Lisa Adams (@adamslisa on Twitter) for encouraging me and others to make regular doctor appointments (#mondaypleads) and to take meds regularly (#dailynag). Visit her website at http://lisabadams.com/
girl, when I read the first few paragraphs my mind screamed out “HORMONES”! I went through some similar stuff & found out (finally!!) that I had zero estrogen. I thought I was losing my mind. My gyno (a woman) took me by the hand & said “we’ll get you through this”. And she did. HRT & some happy pills (what I like to refer to as my “cocktail”) saved my sanity & gave me back my life. I was absolutely amazed at how quickly I felt better. A lot of folks tried to discourage me from the HRT but I felt like the risks were worth it & would suggest that you listen to your body & your doctor & you will find something that will work for you. Hang in there. You’ll get balanced back out soon.
Thanks for your supportive note. I suspected hormones might be involved, or lack of them, but I never thought that most of my symptoms could be attributed to them. My doctor was equally supportive, for which I am extremely grateful. I already feel like a different person.
I had no idea how much hormones (or lack of) play in our lives. I knew about the usual suspects, pms, etc, but once I looked into it I was amazed. yahoooo.
I am so happy to know that you’ve finally received the help you needed. It’s a miserable situation, especially when the doctor you’ve been going to for help has been so very unhelpful. I’m going through this hormone thing too. I’m not on any meds, and been trying to deal with it on my own. These days, the symptoms are easing up somewhat, and I’ve been sleeping better. Yoga helps a lot, and so does meditation.
But you will continue to feel better every day. Eventually you’ll feel like a million bucks, or so I’ve been told. :-)
Loved this post, Julie. And SO glad you found the right doctor with better information and advise. What a relief. Hope is everything…or almost. Imagining you getting better and better and better…xxBeth
OMG, I cried when I read this…such a familiar story…I however was diagnosed with Lyme – by the hypnotherapist I was sent to after my doctors gave up on me. She,herself, had it and sent me to the appprorpriate MD and appropriate lab (only one in the country) to confirm. That lead to same weight gain from meds and a screwed up thyroid which I, (with a Masters in Public Health) decided was a problem after viewing hundreds of posts on the Yahoo Group “Stop the Thyroid Madness” (I HIGHLY recommend the book-order online). And I, after dragging myself in front of the computer had gathered much more helpful information than any of the docs at my tertiary, university based clinic OR Mayo did….You are your own best advocate-do whatever it takes to inform yourself!!! GOOD LUCK with your recovery!
Yay! So glad you’re getting some relief. You’ve been in my thoughts. Now… when can we get together again? ;-)
The mindset of doctors makes me soooo angry. I dealt with the so many that did not want to consider anything but pills upon pills… just as with you. Treating symptoms they’re familiar with rather than an individual.
As I’ve said before Julie, this is your time now. You know what you have to do to get yourself breathing freely, having fun & enjoying the hell out of your family & life, baby.
Plus you have taken the control. I’m so thrilled, I’m dancing. :D
Love, me. xx00
Love you too, Lulu! Thanks for always being concerned about me. I wish we lived closer!
Hi Julie,
I thoroughly enjoy your blog. I always think to respond but never seem to get around to it. I’m sorry! After reading your blog today I was just speechless and angry for you. I am appalled at the physician’s response as you continually sought guidance in trying to figure out a diagnosis and treat you with sensitivity and dignity.
I am so grateful you found another Doctor who diagnosed the problem and treated you as a human being who was obviously suffering and need of sound guidance. It sounds like you are headed in the right direction!
As a nurse who is now officially menopausal I will tell you first hand HORMONES can reek havoc on your body and your mind. There were times I literally thought I was losing my mind, other times I had extreme fatigue and other times I thought how many times can I get my upper lip waxed before I have a permanent scar on my upper lip!
I would like to recommend anything written by Dr. Christine Northrup, MD. All of her books are awesome! And another book is “The Hormone Connection.”
If you need to chat or just need support please feel free to contact me.
Its hard to believe our girls are all grown up now :(
Take Care,
Linda
Thanks for your sweet note, Linda. I kinda feel bad about coming down so hard on my doctor, because he really is a nice man. I guess I expected to get more guidance from him. I don’t think he ever once considered that peri-menopause was causing my problems. Even if that’s true, once I asked about it, it seems to me that at the very minimum he should have encouraged me to talk to my OB-GYN about it. Because he didn’t think it was a possibility, I didn’t look into it any further. Thank you for the reading recommendations — I will definitely check them out. Yes, it is hard to believe that Lauren and Teala are all grown up now. I am friends with Lauren on Facebook and enjoy keeping up with what’s going on in her life.
Hi Julie!
Congratulations! I went through much the same thing. I thought I had MS because I couldn’t walk due to leg, hip and joint pain. I needed an Estrodiol patch. Started with Climara (very good) and now use Vivelle Dot (change twice per week) and some testosterone (cream made by a compounding pharm) and Vitamin D regime.
So many doctors have stopped prescribing HRT rather than fully understanding the studies!
Dr. Vliet’s book “It’s my Ovaries, Stupid!” is very good and based on her other more academic book. She’s been my guide and helped me to find a great doctor in my area.
You will feel so much better….SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!
Hugs, Lisa
Having gone through much of what you are going through i wish I had know you were suffering with this. I could have attempted to help you, through what i had learned about this. Glad that you are feeling better. Re: FM drugs and weight gain- there are ones out there that have less side effects.
Not even a third of the way into your post I was screaming inside my head, You need a new doctor!
I’m so glad you finally got the help you needed, Julie. So many of us suffer for far too long.
Thank you so much — I want to give you a big hug for letting me know I wasn’t nuts!
I’ll collect on that hug next time I’m in Austin or you’re in Houston ;)
Julie- so glad you finally found a dr. that was willing to really listen to you and to “hear” you. Glad that you have found out what is going on, and can have some peace knowing(as well as knowing you aren’t going crazy!ha!) I was peri-menopausal at 39 and continued until I had a hysterectomy in 2007. Then a whole nother set of fun stuff started. ha! It was great to read your post and see the serious side as well as be able to relate to the lite hearted side. Hope you continue to find relief. ps- what is this I read about a possible move?
Thanks, Janie, I am glad, too. I especially like the “not going crazy” part.